In this episode we are going to look at the secret to dealing with difficult children which may be easier than you think. It could be something that you have completely overlooked in favor of more complicated behavior management techniques but I want to share with you something that is so powerful in helping you manage difficult kids. This also works for kids who are not difficult; in fact it works for everybody, your peers, your boss or your family. This key is also going to help you build rapport, build respect and positive relationships with the people that you work with. I am going to give you three tips on how you can implement this into your own practice.
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Now before we get into it, this episode is brought to you by “The Behavior Management Blueprint,” that is my free Ebook and video course on classroom management. If you want to level up in your classroom management then I suggest you grab a copy of this free Ebook and video course which you can check out on my website. You will learn about the five keys or essentials for good behavior management practice.
The secret of dealing with difficult people is dealt with by Dale Carnegie in his book “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”What he says is, that many of the fundamental needs of human beings are factored in when we are working with people or we are trying to lead people. Many of these fundamental needs are really obvious, for example; health, food, sleep, money, relationships and the well-being of our children. These are many of the fundamentals that people focus on to make sure they have everything they need for a happy and fulfilled life. Dale Carnegie says there is one aspect that many of us overlook when we are working with people and even maybe overlook in our own life and that is the desire for greatness or a sense of importance.
Freud said, “Every human being has a desire for greatness” and what he means by that is this; inside every one of us, there is a desire to be appreciated. We want somebody to notice the effort that we put in, whatever that effort looks like and appreciate us and acknowledge what we do. I guess this is why there is such a great hunger amongst young people to be famous, youtube famous or instagram influencers. Basically, there is this deep desire inside them to be important, recognized or appreciated for who they are. If you understand this, you can actually utilize this to your advantage in the classroom.
Some of your most difficult children have had a steady diet of being criticized or being told what they do wrong or being told how they have failed to meet the mark. Many of them operate out of a deep sense of failure or disappointment or a sense that indicates to them that they cannot do anything right. So, they conclude, “I might as well just act the fool, I might as well just do whatever I want because nobody appreciates me or sees me for who I am.”
If you as a teacher can spin that narrative around on your students and help them to start seeing themselves as something more, what you will find is, that they will very quickly start to respond to you and want to protect the relationship with you. I have spoken many times about this moment when I was a relief teacher.
I dealt with a young boy named Cameron who announced himself as the “naughty boy” in the classroom and my response to him was, “Cameron I want to help to you see if you can be my best boy today because I do not have naughty boys in my classroom, I only have good boys, so let’s work together.” Cameron had a profound turnaround that taught me something very powerful about classroom management and that was; when I was able to paint a picture for Cameron of what he could be, he rose to my expectation of him.
So I want to give you three keys to help instill a sense of importance, belief or greatness inside all of your students, not just your difficult students; and even the people that you work with and your family.
1. Choose encouragement over Criticism
The first thing is this, choose encouragement over criticism. Steel Magnate, the president of the U.S steel company in the 1920s, Charles Schwab was the first man to be ever paid over a million dollars for leading a company. He was known for his ability to inspire and get people to actually go along with him and be enthusiastic about where he wanted to take them. When he was asked what the secret was to inspiring and enthusing his people he said “It is very simple, what you do is choose encouragement and acknowledgement over criticism”.
He said everybody wants to be encouraged, they all want to be acknowledged and so if you can choose that with all of your people, you can make them feel important and recognized. What will happen is this, they will respond and they will think, “Hey I want to be recognized by you, I want to work with you, I want to go in the direction that you are going.” This is especially true of your students. Use positive acknowledgement, praise and encouragement more often than you do criticism.
There is a whole string of behavior management practices which are called positive reinforcement and I have got that in my courses if you want to check them out. My “Behavior Management Essentials” course goes in depth on that subject. So first of all, use encouragement.
2. Let them be the Hero
The second thing is to let them be the hero. Give them opportunities to show what they know, to show what they can do or what they are capable of. Every student or child has a desire inside of them to share their knowledge and insight with other people and maybe it is not stuff that you are teaching, maybe it is not insights that are relevant to what the class is learning but to that child it is important. If you can give them opportunities to actually showcase themselves, to be the hero, to be knowledgeable and to be able to teach you something, then they will actually feel appreciated. Then they will feel important, proud and confident of themselves and they will respond by giving you positive behavior.
One of the ideas I have heard and use and which I think is really powerful is the “Genius Hour,” where many teachers have one hour every week where they encourage their students to write or present a powerpoint that shows their ”genius” in a particular topic. They can talk about anything they want to, it does not have to be anything that is on topic for the class and they just have to show their expertise in that topic. What happens is, kids come alive because they get to share their insight and their information with the class.
3. Help to Paint Hope and a Future
The third thing is this, help to paint a future for them. Hope is a powerful tool to inspire people and to encourage them to be better than they are doing currently. If you can paint a picture of hope for those students who perhaps lack hope, lack belief in themselves or lack the ability to imagine a better future for themselves, what will happen is they will grab onto what you offer them, or what you paint for them because they are so desperate for somebody to show them the way. When I was a kid, people used to say, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” and many times kids would say they want to be what their dad was or what their mum was. They had a career aspiration, “I want to be a fireman or a police officer,” somebody who is important in society. Much of that has been lost.
You ask kids today what they want to be and many of them say things like I want to be a famous youtuber, I want to be a famous instagramer. Now, that is fine if that is a career path they want to take and they are prepared to put in the work for it to be a viable job. It has been viable for many people, but what it says to me is, that there is a lack of ability to dream about what is possible. Many kids do not see anything beyond social media as a possibility for them and so you as a teacher can help to inspire them and expose them to people who are in different careers. Expose them to different ways of life and different work aspirations.
Give them something to look forward to, to hope for. Help them to see themselves in these kinds of professions and see their potential as something more than their current limited ideas and experience. As you help children to feel great about themselves and level up to grow in their confidence, they will return to you in spades and give you respectful behavior because they want to protect the person that believes in them.
So I hope that was really helpful for you. The secret to working with difficult children is really not that difficult. It is just to encourage them, to help them feel a sense of greatness and they will give back great behavioural outcomes. If you want to dig deeper into this subject, I encourage you to have a look at the courses that I have online. I have “Behavior Management Essentials”, “Understanding and Educating Boys” and “Leading for Success.” These are three self-paced courses which are designed especially for teachers, to give you professional development in the areas that you need it most. They are designed in such a way that they are self-paced and so you can do them at your own pace despite your busy schedule. So go over to our website and check out our courses. If you have enjoyed this, do not forget to share it with a friend who you think would enjoy it.
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5 Essential Strategies for Effective Behaviour Management
