In this episode we are going to be talking about communicating for connection. Before we get into it I want to let you know that this episode is brought to you by the Behavior Management Blueprint. This is my FREE e-book on the five key essentials of classroom management and it also comes with a free mini video course as well. You can download that by clicking the link at the end of the blog.
Prefer to watch the Video, Click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pgpj15mB_rs
So before I get into the tips on how you can connect with your students as you communicate, we need to really answer the question, “Why is it so important”? As a teacher, much of your role is in communicating for the dissemination of information or knowledge and while that is important, it is also important to understand that your communication is also for building relationships. If you have been following me for any length of time I have taught you ad nauseum about how important relationships are to behavior management.
If you are communicating to connect with your students, to make them feel engaged and to make them feel cared about, then you have to be mindful about the types of things that you do when you communicate. I am going to go through some tips on how you can do this so that you can build relationships effectively.
Communication is not just about disseminating information, it is about building relationships and building rapport, so what do we do ?
1. Talk with your students, not at your students.
The first thing is this, talk with your students, not at your students. Teachers, if you are just disseminating information or if you are just giving instructions, you are talking at your students and there is no quicker way to get people to tune out and stop listening to you. If the first thing that comes out of your mouth are the things that you want them to do for you like, lining up or getting books out, what you are doing is just caring about what is important to you. When you talk with somebody you lead with an inquiry about them. If you are meeting them for the first time in class, at the beginning of the day, say “Hey class how are you today ? Why don’t we start with a good morning ?” What you are doing is building rapport. You are showing them that you are not just going to give them an instruction, you are actually inquiring about them. If you are talking one-on-one “Hey (name), how are you today? How was lunch? What did you eat for lunch ?” Have some moments of meaningful conversation.
It only takes a few seconds but what you will find is that if you take those moments to just interact with people, be friendly with your students and not just bark orders at them or bark directions at them, they will do the same for you. They will start to actually regard you, they will start to engage with you, care about you and want to listen to what you have to say. So, talk with your students, don’t talk at your students. If you need to get them started on a new activity, you might give a direction like,”Put your books away and we are getting out our Science books.” That is great but what you can do is, thank the class for working so well on that topic and then say, “It is time for us to put those books away and get your new ones out”. Just by saying a simple thank you what you are doing is saying “Hey I am interested in you, I am talking with you, why don’t we go on to the next topic together. So that is the first thing for connecting with your students rather than just communicating instructions.
2. Get them talking about themselves.
The second thing is this, you need to get them talking about themselves. Students are interested in themselves. People are interested in themselves, you are interested in yourself. Take time every day to get students talking about themselves whether you have a sharing circle at the beginning of the lesson, whether you just have one-on-one conversations as they are lining up at the door, say, “Hey how was your weekend?” Get people talking, get students talking about themselves. This makes a huge difference to building relationships and building connections. If it is in the classroom setting you may ask students to tell you how they solved the problem. You might ask for an answer to a question and a student gives you the answer. Then you say “That is fantastic” but do not just stop there, say, “Tell us how you got that answer”.
Get them to explain or get them to talk about their experience or their way of doing things. When students talk about themselves they feel important, they feel valued, loved and cared about and they are more willing to engage with you and care about you.
3. Ask for their opinions.
The third thing is this: ask for their opinions. Ask for their opinions when you are teaching or giving them information. Ask, “What do you think? Tell me if you agree with me or disagree with me”. Don’t be the oracle of wisdom who stands up front and whom the students can’t question or talk back to. Here’s a sad example. My middle son had an assignment in Year 10 where he had to give a presentation on whether he thought there was a climate emergency or not. The whole class had to do it. At the time it had a lot of media attention and so of course a lot of people were communicating that they believed there was a climate emergency. Now, regardless of what you believe, my son felt at the time that there wasn’t a climate emergency and he expressed that in his class talk. Well, the teacher, rather than asking him about why he came to that conclusion or why he felt that way, she attacked him in front of the class. She said, “Nobody else in this class believes that, how can you believe that?” She just shut him down in front of the whole class.
This is not the way to win over your students. If they have a difference of opinion, why don’t you find out why they have a difference of opinion. Give them an opportunity to express their opinions, ideas or express their thoughts about what you are teaching because you may find that they have thought very deeply about things and they have something very valuable to contribute. So make sure you allow students to give their opinion and talk about their experiences too even if those experiences and opinions are not quite the same as yours.
4. Learn to ask open-ended questions.
The fourth thing is this, learn to ask open-ended questions, lots of them, if you want to connect with students because open- ended questions elicit a response from them. So if they make a statement, say, “Tell me more about that, why do you believe that, how did you come to that understanding?” Asking questions like, “Can you explain that a little bit better so that I can understand?” If they are talking about their weekend or their favorite cartoon or whatever it is, ask them “Who is your favorite character?” Ask questions, go deeper and show them that you care about what they are saying. If you ask questions you are actually going to have a deeper understanding of what they are talking about and they will actually feel that they are important to you. They will be more willing to listen to you and engage with you when you take the time to do the same.
So these are four tips on communicating for connection that can help you build relationships. I hope you found that really interesting. If you want to learn more tips like these, do not forget to check out our online course called “Behavior Management Essentials.” The link is in the description below. It is four hours of content, a deep dive into behaviour management, taken from our live workshops. If you have enjoyed this, then share it with somebody that you think would benefit and I will see you next time.
If you would like to learn more about managing classroom behaviour effectively, why not check out our FREE video course Behaviour Management Blueprint. See below for details.
