Do you have children in your class who lie ? In this blog I am going to give you 6 ways to handle children who lie.

1. Reinforce telling the truth.
2. Do not engage in lying.
3. Know the difference between lying and exaggeration.
4. Be empathetic. 
5. Show examples of honesty.
6. Explain why.

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1. Reinforce Telling The Truth

The first thing is that we need to reinforce telling the truth. So whenever you see children in your class demonstrating telling the truth make a big deal of it. The class needs to see what telling the truth looks like in their context. If you see that one of the children who have a tendency to lie is being truthful then make a big deal of it; praise that behaviour! The more you reinforce the behaviour you want to see the more likely you are to see them repeat the behaviour. So that is the first tip. Reinforce telling the truth when you see it in the classroom. Make a big deal of it, praise it and you will see it repeated.

2. Don’t engage in lying

Number two is this. Do not engage in lying. What do I mean by that? Sometimes as adults, we have a tendency to use white lies to deflect from the questions that children have. Sometimes we try to avoid topics of conversation so that we can get on with what we are teaching or what we are focusing on. Be careful that you do not use these white lies or these exaggerations in the way that you communicate with students. What it will do is this; it will reinforce a pattern of using deceptive behaviour to get your own way. 

Let me give you an example, let’s just say you are reinforcing an expectation with your students. You say that the consequence is this, “If you do not finish your work, you will stay in for the whole of lunchtime”. Now you might secretly be thinking to yourself, “I won’t keep anyone in the whole lunchtime, I will just keep them in for five minutes because I just want to scare them into doing their work.”  Well, the problem with this is that as soon as one child fails to do his work and you do not keep him in you have basically said, that not only are your expectations and your reinforcement not potent but also you have said, ” I exaggerate what I am saying for emphasis or to get what I want.” 

Your class will not believe what you are going to say the next time around. When you next communicate an expectation or a consequence, they are going to say, “Oh yeah, she does not mean that. We are not going to stay in for the whole of lunchtime, she just says that to scare us.” So what you are doing is that you are reinforcing a pattern of using deceptive behaviour to get what you want. So that is number two. Do not lean on white lies or exaggeration to get your point across with students.

3. Know the Difference Between Lying and Exaggeration.

You need to know the difference between lying and exaggeration. This is especially true for small children who have very active imaginations and who like to tell grand stories. There is a difference between a child saying, “No I did not steal her pencil” and saying, ” I saw a horse on the weekend that had three heads”. You have got to handle those two types of conversations differently. If they are lying about their misbehaviour that is a conversation you need to address. You also need to address the misinformation in a way that is going to help them understand why it is unhelpful if they are telling you tall tales about a horse with three heads. You do not have to say, “Stop lying, I do not want to hear you lie.”  That sort of reaction is a little bit over the top. Just talk to them as a friend. Let them engage in their imagination or their playfulness.

You might be able to call them out on their exaggeration but do not do it in a demeaning way or an attacking way if it is just tall stories for the sake of imagination. Know the difference between exaggeration and actual lying and then deal with them differently.

4. Be Empathetic 

The fourth tip is this, you need to be empathetic when you catch a child out in a lie. Do not go straight to chastising them, getting angry or telling them how terrible lying is. What you have got to do is be empathetic. You have got to show them that you understand why they might have thought it was necessary to lie. Say, “I understand that maybe you told a lie because you were scared to get into trouble.  Maybe you told a lie because you were embarrassed about what you did and you did not want anybody finding out.”  Show them that you understand why they lied. Then you can take them on a journey towards why it is not appropriate to lie. Show them what an alternative solution to their lying might be, show them that you understand. 

Empathy helps you build relationships and connection. When you build relationships and connections, the child is more likely to listen to your consequence and admonition. If you want them to learn a lesson about why lying is not good, you have got to start by building that connection so they are receptive to you. Do not chastise them right out of the gate because then that is just going to close them down and they won’t hear anything you say. So that’s number four, be empathetic.

5. Show Examples of Honesty

Number five is to show them examples of honesty. So let’s say in your teaching practise or throughout your day, you see an example of somebody telling the truth; this is similar to number one. You might need to show them a little clip from a movie or a children’s show if you are trying to model why lying is not appropriate.

Show them examples of what lying might look like. Show them examples of what truth-telling might look like. Some children have never been fortunate enough to have been taught good morality at home. They have not necessarily been taught about lying and why it may not be appropriate. You have got to give them examples; maybe model it yourself, do some role-playing in class. Give them opportunities to learn about the difference between lying and truth-telling in a manner that is not in the moment when you are trying to catch them lying. Actually have a lesson, be explicitly teaching it, give them examples so that they can experience it under the right conditions and then be able to implement it when the time comes.

6. Explain Why

Finally number six, you need to explain why. Let’s say you have just caught a child out for lying and you have shown them that you are empathetic. You then need to explain to them what lying does in the sense of breaking trust, integrity and ruining character. Children need to be taught why character and integrity is essential for their development. When children do not learn or are not taught good character or good moral values, what ends up happening is, they become big kids and adults who do not conduct themselves with integrity. That affects them in their workplace, in their family relationships, in their friendships and their peer relationships as well.

By explaining to them and saying, “When you lied to me it hurt me, it broke my trust and it makes it hard for me to trust you when you are saying things”. Explain to them a little bit about what happens when you lie, how it erodes trust and how it erodes integrity. Obviously you do it in vocabulary that is appropriate for the age group but help them to understand why. Fables like The Boy Who Cried Wolf,  are great ways of explaining what lying does. You have got to use things like stories, movie clips or role-playing to help them understand the ramifications and the consequences of lying.

So those are my six keys for helping students who are engaged in a habit of lying. 

• The first one is to reinforce truth-telling. Make a big deal of it when you see children who are telling the truth. 
• Second, don’t engage in lying. Be careful you do not use exaggeration and white lies for your own purposes. 
• Number three is to know the difference between exaggeration and lies. Do not jump on exaggeration, help them to understand why it might not be appropriate but they’re not getting a consequence for it.
• Be empathetic. Understand why they may have engaged in the lie and express that to them, saying,  “I understand why you might have lied”. 
• Give them an example of honesty and what it would look like if they were telling the truth. Use other ways of modelling it like, movies, TV clips, role play or stories. 
• Finally explain the why. Explain to them why it is important to be truthful, to maintain integrity and to conduct oneself with honesty at all times.

I hope that was really helpful. Do not forget to comment and let us know what you thought or, if you have specific topics you would like us to cover, let us know in the comments.

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