Now some of the things that you need to understand about independence before I give you the four keys is this. Independence increases or the desire for independence increases in children the older they get. When children become teenagers they go through a process that psychologists call individualization. What they are trying to do is, they are trying to establish themselves as autonomous responsible human beings. They are becoming adults, they are learning how to make decisions for themselves. 

So often what teenagers will do and if you are a high school teacher you will understand this, very often teenagers will push against rules and boundaries that are placed on them because they are trying to establish themselves as autonomous human beings, not under somebody else’s control. Now if small children have never been raised with boundaries or to respect boundaries very often they can be like this too. 

We are seeing more and more prep and grade one students who are coming to school and they’ve never been raised with boundaries. They have never heard the word “No” so they freak out or they react when a teacher puts rules in place, they don’t like it, they like to do things their own way. 

Then you have got the third group who are just independent spirits. They are kids that just have this personality that needs to be bigger than the world that they’re in. They think outside the box, they like to do things their own way. They are very creative, sometimes they are a little bit objectionable and they can sometimes be very difficult to manage. Sometimes they can be brilliant and you’ve just got to know how to work with kids like that.

Very often leaders and very often highly creative inventive people were children who were very stubborn and didn’t like to work within boundaries. Part of that is their ability to think outside the box, so don’t be too quick to crush kids like that. You need a level of independent thinking to extract really deep cognitive results out of children. They need to be able to think outside the box and think for themselves, but at the same time you don’t want them doing it at the expense of your classroom or the kids that they are with. 

So here’s four ways that you can respond to kids who are Independent, whether they’re teenagers and they’re individualizing, whether they’re young children who have never been taught boundaries or whether they’re just these free spirits. 

1. Communicate your Boundaries

The first thing you need to do is to be able to as the teacher clearly communicate what your boundaries are. What are the not negotiable in your class? Remember you are still the teacher, you are still the person in charge of the group. So you need to be able to communicate that clearly, This is the way that we operate within this class. Don’t let it be a free-for-all, So that’s the first one.

2. Be willing to give some leniency

At the same time, you need to figure out where you’re willing to give a little bit of leniency. You may not announce this to the class, but at least you know that you can be willing to make some concessions under certain circumstances. What are the things that are not going to bother me so much? Let me give you an example. I’m ok with whispering in the class, generally, it doesn’t bother me if kids are working and they’re whispering.  That is my area of leniency, where I am willing for them to push the boundaries. 

What my expectation is, is that I want complete silence in the class. The boundary is complete silence, but I know I have got a buffer or an area of leniency where I’m not going to lose my temper, I am not going to get upset, I do not have to penalize anybody. I just have to bring them back or correct them. So have that margin or that buffer on things that you are ok with.

If you are trying to line kids up and there is one kid that just does not line up well, you can get them to stand beside you. At least get them to show some kind of deference to your responsibility and authority of the classroom. Maybe they just stand in line for a couple of seconds and they give you their attention for a fleeting moment, that can be enough. If you know that this child is slightly independent, then you need to be willing to have a concession that is part of the way there.

3. “If-then” Strategies

Here is the third point which is to work on “if-then” strategies. Bill Rogers talks about this a lot. You can negotiate with independent children in a way that if you comply with the boundary, then I will give you the concession that you’re asking for. E.g. If you want Ipad time then you need to complete the work. So you would say “If you complete the work, then I will give you iPad time”. So you’re not saying no to them, you’re not putting up a hard brick wall at their request. What you’re saying is you need to give me a little bit then I’ll give you a little bit.

“If-then” statements are very very important e.g If you line up really quickly for five seconds then you can tell me about what you did at lunchtime or if you line up first and wait till the class goes in then you can have a conversation with your friend about the fight that you had and try and work it out. Help them to see that you’re willing to concede to what they need because sometimes they will have needs that for them are very important. But they need to give you something first that is related to your boundaries.

If you get your work done, then I will let you sit on the floor on the beanbag and read a book. So “if-then” statements can sometimes help.

4. Choice within Limits

The fourth one is choice within limits. Independent children or free spirits like to feel like they’ve got some determination over what they’re doing. They don’t like to be told what to do, they like to know that they’ve got the ability to choose. This is also true for our kids with objectionable defiance disorder where if you give them a direction their only response is no.

What you’ve got to do is frame a response that makes them feel like they’ve got a choice. For example, We’re going to have some downtime now and you can choose from one of these activities, You can read, you can draw or you can go on the class computer. You’ve given them one of three choices within the boundaries that you have set. As opposed to “Ok, we’re going to have free time now you can do whatever you like” or the other extreme of that for an independent child is they will say I want to go on the computer and you say no we’re not going on the computer we’re only drawing. That will come across as a hard barrier or a brick wall to them. That will just make them want to push even harder. 

But if you give a choice, “hey we’re going to have free time and these are your choices, You choose which one you would prefer. You’ve limited the options and you’re managing the classroom but you’re making them feel like they’ve got an opportunity to choose. in relation to kids with objectionable defiance disorder, you can’t give them instructions and you shouldn’t give them directives.

What you have to do is make requests of them within a set of boundaries, For example, “Josh we are going to sit on the floor right now, Can you choose if you would like to sit on a chair or you would like to sit on the floor? Give them a choice. You haven’t directed them, but you’ve placed some parameters or boundaries around it.

In review: Remember there are three types of students:

1. There is kids that have been raised without boundaries.

2. There is teenagers who are trying to individualize

3. There is also free spirits. 

You just have to use a deft touch with all of them because they’re all slightly different. Understand that independence is not necessarily a bad thing, it just needs to be bridled like a horse. You just have to be able to guide them and manage them appropriately. Communicate your boundaries clearly and make sure they know what they are. Figure out what your leeway is, what your margin is, and what you’re willing to give up. Use “if-then” statements. “If you do this, then we can do that” and give choices within limits. “I’m going to give you a choice of three activities. You pick which one you would like.” 

So there’s four suggestions of how you can deal with independent students or students that like to do things their own way. I hope that really helps you. I’ll see you next time thanks so much for tuning in. 

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