In this episode, I want to talk to you about the power of the greeting. Relationships are so crucial to building good behavior management in class and I want to show you a really simple, easy technique that can help you build relationships fast.
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Before we get into it I want to let you know that this episode is brought to you by the Behavior Management Blueprint. This is my FREE e-book on the five key essentials of classroom management and it also comes with a free mini video course as well. You can download that by clicking the link at the end of the blog.
When we talk about behavior management, one of the big conversation pieces and big topics that is often discussed in behavior management is the importance of relationships. When I teach my workshops, one of the common responses I get from teachers is this, we understand that relationships are important but the problem is we do not have enough time to build relationships. As teachers our days are so busy, we spend so much time trying to teach the curriculum, trying to deal with 30 kids and it is really hard to build meaningful relationships with the students that we teach. I get it, I really do, teachers are really overworked and it is a challenge to really spend meaningful time with each of your students.
What I want to do is just talk about and give you a couple of quick ways that will help you build relationships with your students effectively without spending a lot of time. It actually is a very powerful thing. I have titled this episode the power of the greeting because I really believe that if you greet people well you will actually build rapport effectively and you will find that the relationship builds itself over time. There was a study done in Canadian schools where they wanted to research the power of relationships while understanding that it is difficult for teachers to build a relationship.
So what they did was, they asked every teacher to do just a couple of things. The first thing was that every time they passed a student they were to greet that student by name, so they had to learn their students names. The second thing they had to do was ask them how they were and the third thing they had to do was pause long enough to wait for a reply. So it would be something like “Hi Jared, how are you?” and then wait for a reply.
- Learn Your Students Names
- Ask How They Are
- Pause Long Enough For Their Reply
Now these interactions were only two or three minutes, they were not long interactions because you know most kids when you ask them how they are, they will probably say, ” “Good” or “Yeah I am doing all right.” Now the point is not how long they take to answer you, the point is that you stop long enough to listen. I think in Australia especially, we have this habit of using the expression “How are you” as a greeting rather than taking an interest in how a person really is. So let me unpack this for you. What is so powerful about the greeting and how can you use it in real life ?
Learn your students Names
The first thing is this, learning students’ names. The power of calling a person by their name cannot be underestimated. There is an old expression that says, “The sweetest word for any person is the sound of their own name.” We, as individuals, are generally focused on ourselves first and when we hear our name it makes us want to engage with the person. If a teacher is willing to learn a child’s name and use their name it shows that you care about them. It shows you care about them enough to learn their name, you care about them enough to actually see them as a human being, as an individual, they are not just another name on a role or another number on an assessment book but they are actually an individual that you see and you acknowledge.
In the same way that you like to be acknowledged by people using your name, when you are using somebody’s name what you are doing is you are engaging that part of them that actually wants to connect with people who seem safe, familiar and interested. So when you are using someone’s name it makes them relax; it makes them feel like a friend and it also makes them want to engage with you.
Ask How they are
The second thing is, asking “How are you.” When you do this, you are conveying the message that says, “Not only do I see you as an individual but I actually want to know you as an individual; I want to know about you, what makes you tick, what your hopes, dreams or fears are.” It is really important that we are able to convey this as teachers and show them that we actually care about them as human beings.
John Maxwell says this “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
If you take the time to ask, “How are you?”, what you are doing is expressing concern for them, you are expressing care for them.
Pause Long Enough For Their Reply
This is the clincher. The third aspect is really taking the time to wait for the reply because it is easy to say how are you and then walk on by but when you stop, when you give them eye contact, when you pause in your own speech and let them answer, what you are saying is, ‘I am genuinely interested in you. I am genuinely interested in hearing about what you are going through or experiencing, what makes you tick and I am here now so tell me.”
What you will find is that as you start to do this on a regular basis, maybe the first few interactions may be a little bit stilted or the kids might not respond well but if you do it regularly what will happen is they will become used to the fact that you ask them how they are and you will stop and expect a reply. This will make them start to open up and over time they will start to tell you things about themselves and you might learn about what is going on in their home. You might learn about how they played rugby on the weekend and won or you might learn that they have a birthday coming up or something like that. They will feed you little pieces of information. It will start off by being fairly general but the more you do it the more you get to know them and the more personal these bits of information will get.
Even though these interactions are only two to three minutes long, over time you are going to build a much bigger picture of the individual. You are actually going to learn more about them, what makes them tick or what they care about. Then you can start actually having meaningful conversations because once you know a little bit of personal information the next time you see them you can say “Hey how was that thing we talked about last time, did you get a solution for it?” When you start asking more and more personal probing questions, what happens is it deepens the relationship, it deepens the level of care that you show them and it deepens the level of trust that they have for you.
Now here is the kicker and this is why I think it is really important that you take the time to do this. This is a very small thing to do and it does not take a lot of effort to do but what they found in these schools in Canada is that when the teaching staff actually made the effort to learn the student’s name, ask them how they were and wait long enough to hear the answer, they saw an 80% reduction in low-level disruptive behavior.
What you will find is that if you invest just a little bit of time on a consistently regular basis, you will find that it flows into your classroom. Your students will come into your class engaged, they will come into your class happy to see you. They will come into your class wanting to behave and wanting to work with you and so I do not want you to underestimate the power of the greeting, do not brush over it. Do not be rushed when you are meeting students for the first time. Maybe you meet them at the door or you see them as they are lining up; do not hurry, take a few moments to just inquire about them and you will find that this brief interaction actually has a significant impact on your ability to build relationship and it has a significant impact on your ability to manage behavior in your class.
I hope that was really helpful for you; the power of the greeting. If you want to learn more tips like this do not forget to check out our online course called “Behavior Management Essentials” the link is in the description below. It is four hours of content, a deep dive into behaviour management, taken from our live workshops. If you have enjoyed this then share it with somebody that you think would benefit and I will see you next time.
If you would like to learn more about managing classroom behaviour effectively, why not check out our FREE video course Behaviour Management Blueprint. See below for details.
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